I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
