The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
