Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
