just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize