Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
