My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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