do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
