Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
