SEEEEXXX PLEASE
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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