I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
