Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize