Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
