Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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