My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
