I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
