i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
