We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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