We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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