when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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