Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
