Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
