you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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