I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
