I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize