official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize