I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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