umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize