sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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