Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
