and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
