guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
