she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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