Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
