Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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