i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
