About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
