dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
