I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
