I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
