just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
