nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think i got beer on your cat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
