State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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