he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize