It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize