I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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