I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
