Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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