I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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