and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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