im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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