Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
