I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
