I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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