Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
