Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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