Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
