he thought i was a dude.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
