then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
