She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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