Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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