She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
