i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
