Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize